Although it seems to be the argumentative equivalent of spilling a glass of water into the Pacific with the goal of flooding Sydney, I’m voicing my concern for the humanities in the ever-expanding face of artificial intelligence. The arguments against AI’s encroachment in academic settings, though prolific, have done nothing to mitigate it. A similar source of adversity facing English departments in particular, is the growing inability of college students to read long-form literature. Note my usage of the word in ability; students are not expressing boredom or a lack of time in response to being assigned novels, but rather a complete inability to read them.